Harem has been put under quarantine to avert a greater catastrophe
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UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, DUBAI (The Global Edition) — All of Sheikh
Mohammed bin Rashid Al Zayed Khalifa’s forty wives got their period at
the exact same time, various Arab media are reporting. In what is being
described as one of the most unfortunate events in recent UAE history,
the PMS calendars of the Sheik’s wives became synchronized and created a
terrible headache for everyone involved.
His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Zayed Khalifa, one of the
richest men in the United Arab Emirates, first heard about the disaster
from his eunuch, sources within the palace report.
In the meantime, the troubled man managed to answer a few quick questions from media representatives.
“Back when I only had two wives I could maybe handle a couple of mood
swinging, bloated, depressed, angry and resentful chocolate-eating
monsters at a time, but with just one more than that you’re as good as
dead. I was convinced that this would never happen with all forty of
them at the same time – I mean, what are the odds?” the grief-stricken
ruler asked.
Palace representatives said that the harem would be put under
quarantine for the next several days in order to avert a greater
catastrophe, and that the Sheikh would do the same thing any other man
would do in similar circumstances, “hide somewhere until it all passes.”
One of the Sheikh’s wives spoke to reporters about the mood inside
the palace. “How is it even possible to cycle through every human
emotion in one day? It’s so exhausting. And we get no support from our
husband. None of us even give a damn if he comes back unless he brings
us mass quantities of chocolate covered peanut butter balls,” Adara
al-Sadah, wife number 28, was quoted as saying.
The Arab billionaire stated in the end that “having a harem can
easily transform from being every man’s sweetest dream to every man’s
worst nightmare.”
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Do Women's Periods Really Sync Up?
Does "menstrual synchrony" exist, or is it just an urban legend?
By Laura Newcomer for Greatist.com
Any woman can relate, and any man within eyeshot has probably
witnessed the following scenario: A woman suffering from mind-numbing
cramps, hobbling over to the closest female coworker’s desk for
pharmaceutical relief, and bonding over their synced cycles. If women
spend enough time around female friends or co-workers, they’re bound to
get on the same schedule…right? Greatist examines the science behind the
sync.
Sync Up or Sex Up—The Need to Know
In
1971, a study speculated that regular contact with other women could
affect female’s menstrual cycles. Researchers found social interaction
was key to matched cycles, and close friends and women who were in
contact for a substantial portion of every day (say, hanging out or
working together)
were more likely to sync up than women who merely lived in proximity to each other (e.g.,
on the same floor of a dorm). Follow-up
studies suggested pheromones
were responsible and that “menstrual synchrony” (the technical term for
syncing) might be just the tip of the iceberg: It’s possible periods and
ovulation could be socially regulated throughout a woman’s lifespan,
from puberty to pregnancy and everywhere in between.
But while
many researchers uphold the syncing theory, boy has there been a
backlash. The pro-syncing crowd has been criticized for poor research
methods, and the existence of natural synchrony hasn’t been confirmed in
non-human primate studies.
In fact, synced cycles might not make
sense evolutionarily. Syncing up in a hunter-gatherer tribe, for
example, would mean that for a week or so, no woman would be able to get
pregnant—
not ideal when you’re responsible for procreating the human race.
Instead of having matched cycles, women might unknowingly sync up
phases of “sexual receptivity” and the lack thereof—meaning one woman is
ready to get pregnant while another is just starting to menstruate,
giving fertile women a more diverse choice of mates. (Of course, these
are all very biological arguments, operating on the presumption that
every woman’s goal in life is to get pregnant.)
Menstrual Mystery—The Debate
Unfortunately,
there isn’t a definitive answer to the science of syncing, says
Frederick Naftolin, Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology and Director
of Reproductive Biology Research at NYU. Synchronization is possible—in
non-human animals, anyway. Manually matching up cycles (typically with
the hormone progesterone) is key to many agricultural areas that rely on
artificial insemination of cows, goats, and buffalos, as synchrony
allows for simultaneous impregnation of a herd. But evidence for
naturally-occurring human synchrony hasn’t been confirmed via adequately
controlled, randomized trials.
Still, some researchers
strongly maintain menstrual synchrony is real.
Anecdotal evidence certainly seems to support the idea of syncing, says
Martha Thomas, Associate Residency Program Director in the OB/GYN
department at York Hospital/Wellspan Health. And it’s hard to say how
factors like stress, sexual partners, and birth control play into the
syncing game—if synchrony does exist, it’s possible these factors
override it, making matched cycles appear less common than they might
actually be.
But this is mostly speculation, stresses Thomas.
Most contemporary research
holds that it’s unlikely women will actually sync up month after month
after month, especially because the length of individuals’ cycles can
vary so dramatically. What seems most likely is that women don’t
actually synchronize, but rather have the occasional synced period when
their cycles’ lengths randomly overlap.
Surprised? Us too. But we’ll still share the Midol, whether or not we’re suffering too.
Thanks to Dr. Frederick Naftolin and Dr. L. Martha Ann Thomas for their help with this article.
Do
your experiences contradict the science on this one? Let us know in
comments below, or get in touch with the author on Twitter @LauraNewc.
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Beijing: China today unveiled Asia's biggest radio telescope to be used
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